I was not enjoying being a mommy at all yesterday. It was a battle for power between the kids and I all day long. In case you were wondering, neither of us won.
After I finally got Chase down for nap, I rushed back upstairs because Skylar was crying. Again. I put her in her high chair. Dumped a bunch of Cheerios on the tray, and walked away. I sat down in my big leather chair and just stared at the ceiling.
Moms should be allowed to do some things when their kids have pulled at every last nerve and sense of sanity. There are thing we have to do to make it through the rest of the day. Sometimes the advil and anti-depressants only go so far. So screw it. Here's what I do sometimes when I just need a moment. Or 5.
2 - Scream into a pillow. If crying just isn't going to cut it, go into your room for a minute, and just scream it out into your pillow. You can't keep all that emotion and frustration bottled in. Getting it out, even if for just a 7 second scream, will make a world of difference. So scream it up girl!
3 - When I need just a few minutes to regain my thoughts, I will lock my kids out of the bathroom. But just knowing they can't get into the bathroom to pester me with my pants down is such a glorious feeling. It's retaliation against toddlers without really being retaliation. Yes, you'll probably see the tiny hands under the door reaching out to you, but bring your phone and scroll Pinterest for a few minutes. I've done this a few times, and while sometimes they even scream because they can't get to me, there's some devilish little part of me that's just loving this moment. And I'm not ashamed at all.
4 - Naptime is a perfect time to get a good amount of stress and frustration out. Even if only one kid is napping, it's a huge relief. Take yesterday for me. Chase went down at 1pm, and Skylar was just waking up. But, ah-ha! Pack N' Play's are the best thing ever. I turn on Disney Channel for a bit and let her watch Mickey or Sophia or something. I'll spend 30 minutes doing whatever I need to do to regain some sanity. I'll read, I'll surf the web, I'll call my dad, I'll call my husband, I'll sit outside (assuming it's not below zero), I'll bake, stress eat, pull gray hairs out, just something to help me refocus or distract me for a bit.
5 - I will start a throwing war with Chase. Yup. Totally happened yesterday. He has a bunch of mini foam shapes. We were sitting in his room and I just pegged him. They don't hurt, so don't think I'm abusing my son or anything. He throws them right back. After a few minutes, we are both laughing and giggling. It can turn your whole day around, or at least your afternoon (in my case). No one gets hurt, but you still get to peg your kid from being such a booger brain.
6 - Run away. If you have a significant other in your life, or even just someone to watch the kids for an hour or two. Do it. Drop them off, have someone come over, wait for the man to come home. Then run. Put the pedal to the metal and don't look back. I've this on several occasions. My husband will come home. I will hand him Skylar, grab my keys and purse, and speed walk out of the house like it's on fire. I'll go to the grocery store if I need to, I'll walk around a mall, and sometimes I'll just drive around for an hour while listening to angry music.
7 - If all else fails, I bring out the secret stash of candy. I don't care who you are. You can be the fittest, healthiest mom on the planet. You NEED to have a stash of secret candy. We all have days that we just can't seem to get to go right. Eating that candy bar (or four) can help. If you are doing it everyday, it's a problem. But if every once in a while you yell "uncle" and eat a candy bar while you hide from your kids, you're fine. Heck, I encourage it. If you've never had to yell "uncle," eat secret candy, or hide from your kids, I never want to hear from you ever. Don't talk to me, don't look at me, don't even think about me. You are some sort of sick alien mother from another planet. You are crazy and I say NO!
Remember, and I have to remind myself constantly, it's okay to meltdown. It's okay to have a day where all you want to do is cry or scream. It's okay to feel like your kids handed you your own ass on a silver platter (because they do that sometimes). it's okay to see your husband walk through the door talking about how hard his day was because he had to sit in a meeting for two hours. And it's okay to punch him for it on your way out the door.
None of us are perfect. None of us have it together all the time. And that's okay. Just keep that chocolate hidden and the emergency exits marked.