While chatting with my girlfriend who was in town, the subject of sex came up. And then a couple days ago, my cousin started telling me about a conversation between her mother-in-law and cousin about sex. It got me thinking about sex. (Go figure, right?)
I love sex. I do. It's an amazing, wonderful, fun, and awesome thing. I've never thought sex is some dirty secret you keep to yourself. Now, I'm also not going to spew every detail, position, and noise that comes into play. But I don't see anything wrong with the subject. It shouldn't be taboo. Everyone has it, talks about it, thinks about it, and dreams about it. I've also never seen sex as just something to do when you want to have kids.
I was raised two ways. One was religious. Don't have sex until you're married. End of story. They really try to leave it at that. Schools are required by law to teach sex ed, and I think that's the only reason you'll find it mentioned in most religious schools. Here are the mechanics so we fill our requirements. Ta-Da. The other was, don't be stupid if you're going to have sex. Use protection, don't sleep with every guy you come across, and make sure you are getting tested for STD's if you are sleeping with every guy you see.
I like to think I'm in between. I hope my kids wait until their married, but I also look at reality. While I'm not going to encourage my kids to have sex early, I don't want to make them think it's some crime that you go to hell for. I'm going to be honest. I'm going to be open (to a point). I want them to understand that sex is a wonderful thing in the right circumstances. Sex is meant to be enjoyed in the right setting and with the right precautions. I'm also going to tell them that if they are going to jump in too early, to be smart. Use condoms, ask about STD's, don't do it drunk. I truly believe that the more taboo and evil you make something out to be, the more likely kids are going to go out and do it. I also think that some kids will even go as far to use it as a way to "get back" at their parents when they get mad. In a sense, that's what I did.
I lost my virginity at 16. It wasn't a thought out decision either. It just kinda happened. But I didn't try to stop it either. For me, it felt good to secretly go behind my parents back and do the one things they told me to never do. (Sorry if you are reading this, but I'm sure you already knew) It was weird, unromantic, and awkward. I'm sure the guy would agree. It's something I wish I could take back and do over. And because of that action, it sent a train speeding down a hill that I had trouble stopping. Don't get me wrong, at the time I thought I was in love, that I was going to marry this guy, and that in the long run, it wasn't going to matter because of those two facts. After dating for, what was it, two and a half years, I thought we were ready too. We weren't. (Side Note: I'm actually still friends with him. He is one of my really good friends that I unfortunately don't talk to as much as I would like. We've lost touch recently. But he will always hold a special place in my heart. First loves always do. I'll be posting on that later this week.)
I'm in no way saying that it's my parents fault that I had sex too young. I made my own decisions. I made the wrong one, but still. My point is more geared towards teenagers rebel. They are going to take what you fear most. For my family, is was sex before marriage.
Fast forward about 7-8 years. I have found a wonderful man. Granted it was at an Office Max, but still. Stole my heart and locked it away. And I'm good with that. Part of me wishes I had waited until we were married, but another part of me is glad we didn't. I wouldn't have two wonderful little munchkins. True, they were both unplanned and we were both terrified, but in the long run, it's turning out pretty good. There are pros and cons to each viewpoint. Kyle and I may have been better prepared for our kids had we waited. But we wouldn't have Chase and Skylar. We would have kids, but they wouldn't have been these amazing little monsters.
I just hope I can teach my kids a happy balance. Waiting is the best route, for sure. But it's not some dirty, evil thing either. And if you're going to be dumb about it, be smart about being dumb. Don't be afraid to ask questions about it either. No one should be scared or embarrassed by sex. It's natural. It's fun. And if you have kids or are married, we all know you're doing it anyways...