- No Bed-Time. It's awesome! Truly! I can stay up as late as I want, whenever I want. Pay no attention when I'm passed out and drooling before either of my kids. That's not important. What matters is that I could stay up if I really wanted to.
- I Can Eat Ice Cream For Breakfast. I totally could if I wanted to. I still need to do that... or cake. Cake is good.
- R-Rated Movies. Oh yeah! I'm living the dream now! I never thought I could live without that extra rating! I would have missed so many awesome movies! Tropic Thunder, Girl Interrupted, Riddick, and more! Don't worry that I love Big Hero 6, Dumbo, and How to Train Your Dragon (both 1 and 2). Again, it's the fact that I can watch them. I just happen to enjoy Disney movies more.
- BOOZE!! Oh sweet nectar... The nights were I'm just so wound up that I can barely sit down, there is almost nothing better than curling up with a yummy book and even yummier drink. Not every night, but some nights. Yummy vodka...
- I Don't Have to Answer to Anyone. That's right. I don't have to call and check-in with my mommy or daddy every hour. I don't have to ask permission to go out at night. I don't have to worry about anyone else. Except my kids. I have to make sure those two things are alright. So I can't be out all night. Or every night. And they get me up pretty early too. And I check in with Kyle if I do go out... But yeah! I don't have to answer to anyone except those three. Haha!
- I Don't Have to Eat My Vegetables. Need I say more? Take that brussel sprouts! I don't have to eat you! Get lost broccoli! Ignore the fact that I love both brussel sprouts and broccoli. I don't have to eat them if I don't want to. I want to, but shush.
Oh. My. Lanta.
I am tired. So tired.
I'm halfway through my second week at work. Nine hour days, five days a week, without a actual break during the day too, has got me exhausted all. the. time.
It's been interesting being back at work. A lot of things are coming back to me rather quickly. Others took a few days to kick back in. The adult interaction has been nice. But I forgot how much some people just plain suck.
Right now, I'm training in a store of men. That's right. I am the only girl that works at that location right now. That's a lot of testosterone a lot of the time. It's ridiculous. Hell, it's one of the reasons I left another job several years ago. Getting used to all the male shenanigans has been it's own adventure for sure.
Most of the customers are pretty awesome. I've gotten crazy lucky in that aspect so far. I've only had one customer that I wanted to punch in the face. Over a tomato. People are so dumb.
Overall, work is going okay. It doesn't look like I'll be back at my store for another few weeks at least. My trainer is in Wyoming this week and next. So I'm just hanging out until he gets back essentially. It's not bad, but I'm anxious to get to my own store and start working there. I haven't even met anyone that I'll be working with yet.
I miss the kids constantly though. I'm usually gone before they wake up and then I get home between five and five-thirty. That's only about two to three hours until bedtime, and it goes by quick. Kyle has brought them to work twice, which is nice. But shortly after they arrive, our lunch rush begins, so I don't really get to say goodbye before they leave.
Luckily, it's been pretty nice the past week, so when I get home, we are able to play outside for an hour before dinner. With the days getting longer, it's been easier to get some quality play time in before bed. I don't feel exhausted nearly as fast since it's still so bright out.
It's all still something I'm trying to get used to. It's getting easier to get up and moving in the morning. I still miss my kids, and I always will. But so far, I don't hate myself for doing it. Hopefully, that will remain the case.
Everyone has a mantra, a life quote, a personal mission that they live by.
I tried that. But there are just too many that I love and that I want to live by. There's several quotes and sayings that I've heard and read that I try to keep in the back of my mind.
Here are my top nine:
What is one of your favorite quotes?
I love random holidays. They are the best. They aren't really holidays, but hey, it's a good excuse to celebrate something! May it be cookies, peanut butter, siblings, or your left shoe.
Today is National "That Sucks" Day. That's pretty epic if you ask me. How am I celebrating? Well, here are some things I would love to be able to say, "That sucks."
What situations or people would you love to say,"That sucks," too?
Yes. You read that right. And did you notice the new tagline? Yeah. That's happening. And it's happening now.
As this post goes live, I will be heading out the door for my first day at a new job. I'll probably be having a panic attack too, but that's what the meds are for.
On Wednesday of last week, I accepted an Assistant Manager position with a national sub chain. For respect out of my new employer, I will not be sharing the name here. I'm hoping that I can keep (for the most part) work and this blog separate.
Kyle was laid off towards the end of February. When that happened, we had talked about the possibility of switching roles. I started looking at jobs in the area that might be a good fit. Last Tuesday, I went to an interview.
It was amazing. I felt really good about it. There were still some concerns I had though. After the interview, I was told that the job was mine if I wanted it. I told the owner that I would like a day to mull it over and chat with my husband.
Kyle and I talked. A lot. A whole bunch. And panic attacks were involved. I didn't want to be away from my kids. I've been a stay-at-home mom for over two years. It's what I know. It's what I've done. It's what I love (92% of the time at least). The thought of NOT being with my kids made me nauseous. I was worried that I was trying to take on too much. I was terrified that I was going to have another breakdown.
And those things still worry me. Even now, as I'm driving to work (that felt weird), I'm still thinking about all of that stuff. I'm not going to lie, I'll probably have to cry at one point.
But this is what we have decided to do. The pro's outweigh the con's, so here I go.
Kyle is being super supportive and understanding too. He's even promised to bring the kids to see me every day that I work if I need to see them. We've even talked about Skyping on our phones at bedtime so I can still "tuck" my kids in. Yup... he's THAT amazing to me.
So what does that mean for Maniac Mom?
Honestly, I'm not sure right now. I'm still super passionate about what I do. I love writing and sharing my story. It's therapeutic for me. And it's not something I want to give up completely. But for a while at least, there will be less posts and interaction while I try to figure out a balance between work, home, family, and this.
I promise I won't disappear. You can't get rid of me that easily. LOL. But be patient with me. I will figure out a new balance and it will be just as Maniac as the original, if not more so.
Wish me luck!
It's been a rough week-ish around our household. Along with just everyday drama (cause who doesn't have drama), I've been dealing with sick kids.
Not at once mind you, either. Back to back. Skylar had a tummy bug for four days, then instantly had a throat virus for two days right after. Now, because this is just the rule, Chase has started down that evil path.
I know a few moms that prefer to have one sick kid at a time. I'm not one of them. I like to just get it all out of the way. It's way easier to snuggle with two sick kids at once than to have one sick kid snuggling while the other throws a fit because they can't.
Over the past week, several thoughts have run through my head. And I'm sure we've all had them at some point while our kids are sick.
I've just decided to be vocal about it.
We had a wonderful Easter Sunday. Super relaxing, low key, and quiet. Up until the sugar kicked in!
It was an awesome day! Hope you all had an amazing holiday weekend too!
They say you learn something new everyday. You learn a new fact, a new joke, a new person. Everyday you are constantly taking in new information and processing it. Usually, you are doing it without really realizing it.
And then there are times that you learn something about yourself.
I am a doormat.
Ouchie. That hurt. But it's so true it's sickening.
Here's the real killer though. This isn't new information to me.
I've known for a while now that I am a doormat. But I've been calling it by different names. I've been blaming it on other traits, qualities, and circumstances. I've called it loyalty or mothering. I've called it love and compassion. I've blamed it on bad situations and my own inadequacies. But it's really one thing.
Lately, I've been struggling with quite a few different situations and relationships. My therapist is amazing and knows to not sugar coat anything for me. I have to hear it point blank, even if it hurts. And she told me, point blank, no sugar, that I am a doormat.
It's been hard coming to terms with that. Due to my childhood, it's hard for me to watch anyone I care about (even in the slightest way) to go through a bad situation. It's my nature to take care of them in any way I can. And ALWAYS to my own destruction in some capacity. I know what it's like to hurt, and I refuse to watch anyone else go through that.
But that's not where I'm a doormat.
I turn into one because I continue to cater to them long after it's necessary. I'm always "on-call," ready to jump into action and do whatever needs to be done. I drive to everyone. I pay for lots of dinners, drinks, and outings in general. I help with housework, organization, filling out applications or other paperwork. I listen constantly and give advice where I can.
I am the person everyone leans on.
But I never ask for anything back. I'm afraid to most of the time. I've spent most of my life being rejected, mistreated, and cast aside the instant I become invaluable to them. As soon as I stop catering to them, I get dropped on my ass and it's NEVER a short fall.
So what's the solution?
Well, I'll have to get back to you on that. But I wanted to share this with all of you because it's easy to fall into this trap. I think those of us that have experienced rejection, pain, or other trauma are more susceptible to becoming doormats for others. It's something to look out for.
As I continue on this journey, I'll be sure to share what I learn with all of you. But until then, be aware of the people you are around and what they do for you. It has to be a two way street. Not a door with a mat.
I know, I know, I'm a bit late with this one, but it's been crazy busy! I'm finally getting caught back up with everything and getting back on track to bring you some pretty awesome stuff this month.
First, if you haven't already, be sure to check out my favorite posts from March!
And here's a sneak peek into April!
It's going to be a great month, my fellow Maniac's! Be sure to stick around for it!
For those of you that have read about my recent family emergencies, I wanted to give you an update on the status of everyone.
My uncle Jack who was in the car accident with my dad was rushed to the ER a few days following the accident. He was bleeding in his brain. They were able to stop the bleeding, but ended up having to do brain surgery. He did very well and is in recovery.
My dad was still able to come visit us, which we were very thankful for. He's having scans done on his shoulder to see if he will need surgery. He broke his scapula during the car accident, so surgery might be needed to keep the broken piece from floating off into weird places.
My grandpa (Papa) is doing well, finally. His kidneys were shut down for almost a week before they finally restarted. He was also on a ventilator during that time since we was so out of it. Last Tuesday, they were able to remove the ventilator and let him come out of sedation. He's slowly starting to recognize my mom, uncle, and grandma and is also starting to learn what has been going on. We are so thankful and amazed that he pulled through. He's still got a long road ahead of him, but some of the scarier stuff is out of the way.
Keep those warm wishes, prayers, and pixie dust a'comin! It's working!
Whew! What a weekend we had last week. Between dealing with family members being sick and breaking (literally), my parents visiting, and the Blog Staycation, I'm amazed my head is still connected to my body!
While it was a busy weekend, it was a blast. I was very excited that I was able to make all the chats during the Staycation. The opening twitter party was probably my favorite. Why you ask? Because we are going to plan a Blog Vacation and I got put in charge of wine and hot men.
Yeah. I think I won that one.
Along with some hysterical moments and meeting some pretty amazing women, I was able to get quite a bit done for the blog. And I didn't think I'd be able to get anything done!
Here is what I was able to accomplish:
While I wish I was able to do more, I'm VERY proud of myself for getting that far. There are only a couple things that I wasn't able to get to at all.
The Blog Staycation was amazing! I love participating in it! There will be another one towards the end of August, so start planning your to-do list now! We look forward to seeing you!
My name is Kristen and I suffer from Borderline Personality Disorder. This is my hysterical journey as a mom of two dealing with life twists and turns while trying to not let my "crazy" get too out of hand. I strive to be a happily depressed mom.
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