We've all heard the saying. It's so cliché and overused. Yes, we get it. Men and women are different. We are wired differently. We see the world differently. We are different.

But are we?

Everyone focuses on the differences between men and women. The way we think, the way we act, what we consider important. The differences between us are overwhelming and too many to count.

But what do we have in common?

While women are more open about their feelings, and more willing to share, men have been taught to keep a straight face. They are taught that emotions are for women. That doesn't mean they don't have them. I see it first hand constantly. I'm sure all women do. I think that's why we spend so much time trying to get inside guys heads. There's got to be more in there. right?

And what about what we find important in the opposite sex?

Here are the top 7 things men want in a woman.

1 - To feel like your hero
2 - Acceptance
3 - Not to be left in the dark
4 - Blinders sex - the kind of sex that makes you feel connected to each other on a deep level
5 - Communication
6 - Sweat - Work out together!
7 - To have their own lives - Translate: Boys Night

Want to know which one surprises most women? Communication. Many women figure that talking is at the bottom of the totem pole for men because it can be so damn hard to talk to them about anything other than sports. But men want to be able to talk to you. We both want that.

What about women though?

1 - To feel loved
2 - To feel safe
3 - To feel seen
4 - To be able to nurture
5 - To feel sexually desired
6 - To be appreciated
7 - To feel like she can depend on you

Well, hey now! Some of these line up. Some of these go hand in hand!

Women want to feel safe and men want to be the hero. Dependability and feeling safe also go with this.
Both want really good sexual chemistry. Both want to feel connected to the other and loved on a deep level.
Both want to feel accepted and appreciated for who they are and what they do.

Are you seeing a trend. While both don't always want the same things, everyone single one can pair up with another. He can have his boys night, if he lets you take care of him when he's sick. You want to be seen by him, and if you're working up a sweat in those rockin' booty shorts at the gym, he will definitely take notice.

The key to every single point on both lists though is compromise. You can't expect him to always pour out his heart and soul, but when he wants to talk, listen! Guys, if she's had a bad day and is angry with the world, suggest going to the gym and letting her punch her way through.

We all have to be flexible. We have to support each other. We also have to realize that we aren't all that different.

Men may be from Mars, and women may be from Venus, but we've both chosen to meet in the middle on Earth.

Fall has to be my most favorite time of the year. I enjoy the crisp weather, the awesome outfits, the fall activities, and all the baking. My house is about to smell so awesomely wonderful.

Fall also has to be the easiest on me as a mom. It's still warm enough to send Chase out in the backyard to play, but with all the changes going on, I have an easier time getting him to do indoor activities. We decorate for fall, do fall arts and crafts, make fall collages. It's a very fun and exiting time in our house.

This year, with Chase being older and wanting to be out and about constantly, I've decided to put together an actual Fall Bucket List. I'm pretty excited to be planning some fun things the kids ad I can do together, as well as fun family outings during this amazing and magical season.

Fall Bucket List 2014 - The Riedel Family
Go to a pumpkin patch
Do a corn maze
Drink hot chocolate while star gazing
Collect leaves (So mommy can mod podge them onto jars)
Decorate for Halloween
Bake banana bread (be on the lookout for a guest post in October!)
Make caramel apple cider
Carve Pumpkins
Make bird feeders
Bake a pumpkin pie
Bake an apple pie
Go on a hayride
Make Thankful Turkeys
Jump in a pile (or five) of leaves
Take family pictures
Do a Random Act of Kindness once a week

It's not a huge list, but it's completely doable for our little family. I'm so excited to be jumping into this new season.

As more and more time passes, I actually enjoy going to see my psychiatrist. I enjoy her and I love that she's laid back. She understands my humor and is patient with me. She really is a wonderful woman.

I had my six week check in on Monday, and like I said, I was pretty happy to see my psychiatrist. I get asked all the same questions. How's your depression? You anxiety? Are you having suicidal or homicidal thoughts? How are you sleeping? How are you eating? Abusing any substances?

Depression is pretty good.
Anxiety is a little higher than normal as of the past week or two.
No.
Some nights are better than others.
Trying to continue eating better, but eating 3 meals a day.
No. Not unless you count the meth and speed the hospital thinks I'm taking. (If you don't understand this joke, click here for the story.)

How do you think your meds are working?

Well, when I remember to take them in the morning, they do a pretty good job.

I got scolded.

I knew I was going to be. I saw it coming from a mile away. And I needed it. I haven't missed ANY of my pills since. I just needed another kick in the butt.

So what did we establish?

While I'm making leaps and bounds not only with my general mental health, I'm getting better and trying to steady my thought processes and I'm starting to handle tough situations better. My psychiatrist left my meds alone! I love it when that happens.

We both still think I have a long ways to go before we can start talking about reducing my medication and possibly taking me off of it. She also wants me to start therapy again since my anxiety is creeping up again. We want to catch it before we hit the holiday season and I really risk losing all my marbles.

I'm starting to really see where I'm improving and what I still need to work on. And I'm so glad I have such a wonderful psychiatrist to help me and listen to me rant and rave.

Cause let's face it... I'm still a little crazy...

But in the best possible way...

Being a parent in this world is craziness in a handbag. You've got so many things going on.

All. The. Time.

Bottles, diapers, snacks, potty training, school, homework, little league, soccer practice, fundraisers, laundry, dinner, cleaning, getting rid of that boy smell in the bathroom, puberty, sibling rivalry, boyfriend/girlfriend drama, work, trash duty, doody duty, taking the dog for a walk, grocery shopping, paying the bills, remembering to take a shower at least occasionally, play dates, mommy dates, and then there's that thing called a husband somewhere around her and he wants attention too most days.

Many people find it fascinating that not just myself, but so many moms are able to start, keep up with, and maintain blogs. I'm sure we've all heard the questions.

Where do you find the time?
Where do you come up with ideas?
How do you keep up with everything?
How the heck do you do a blog and everything else?!

Well, let me tell you, it's not without great patience and planning.

Personally, because a lot of this blog is about just me and my journey through motherhood with a mental illness, my potential blog posts are EVERYWHERE! My day to day life influences a lot. I have days, which you've read about, that I fall flat on my face in a heap of snot and tears because I can't get a handle on the day. And there are others days where I jump up and down and scream, "I'm less crazy than yesterday!!"

It's getting other stuff in there that's a challenge for me. I didn't want this to be a diary. I didn't want this to be a sob fest of my struggles.

I wanted this to be an encouragement for moms with mental illness, for people with mental illness.

And that means focusing on "normal" life too.

What did I make for dinner?
What costumes are my kids going to wear for Halloween?
Are my kids crazier than me? (Yes... yes they are...)
What do I find cool in life?
What makes the awesome in this world so awesome?

I want everyone to see that even though I struggle, I'm still a mom with a crazy mom life. I'm not defined by my mental illness.

I'm defined by my family. By my friends. By my killer baking skills. By my passion for helping others. By my passion for me the crazy person I am.

So how do I do all of this?

One Crazy Day At A Time.

Being a mom of two can be hard. There's so much you want to teach your little ones, plus work (for those that work outside the home), chores, laundry, cooking, errands, playdates, family functions, sports team practices, homework, carpool, and keeping you're head on straight. There's a lot to balance on a day to day basis.

One of the hardest things I've come across so far is sibling rivalry. Let me make something clear though. My kids ADORE each other. It's ridiculous how much Sky likes watching Chase play and how much he likes making Skylar laugh. They are two peas in a pod.

Most of the time.


Recently (and when I say recently, I mean in the past week), Chase has started noticing the extra attention Sky gets on a regular basis. He's noticing the extra cuddles, the extra playtime, the extra feedings, diaper changes and more. Because of this discovery, sibling rivalry has entered our household on a one way basis.

Sky still thinks Chase is the coolest thing she's ever seen next to her bottle. But Chase is starting to change his opinion of her just a bit.

He still loves her tremendously, but he gets irritated with her more often as well. He's started hitting her, slapping her, and pushing her over. Usually I can cut it off before it gets bad, but he's gotten a few good whacks on her a couple of times.

She also loves following Chase around in her walker while he's riding his jeep. She tries to follow him everywhere. He doesn't like that now either. He'll push her away, roll her into a corner, or just yell at her for blocking his path. Or what he thinks is his path.

It breaks my heart when he acts this way towards her. I'm trying my best to make sure I spend one on one time with him, trying to play with both of them together (to model good ways for him to interact with Skylar), and making sure I let him know that behavior is not okay.

Which that in itself is hard since I have a two year old who could not be more headstrong. Trying to teach Chase anything while going through the terrible two's is like brushing you're teeth while eating Oreo's. It's not working too well.

I know it'll get better. And eventually, Skylar will get big enough to stand her own ground.

And even get a few whacks in herself...

I have been doing much better the past few weeks. I can feel myself improving all the time. I'm getting better at remembering my meds, which that in itself will do wonders. Go figure.

Even my neighbors and friends are starting to notice the difference in me. I'm not a quick to anger, I'm more social, I'm losing weight again (down to 185lbs. woo hoo!) and my overall vibe has gotten worlds better from a few short months ago.

It's been nice feeling more like myself. I've missed me.

But even so, not everything is roses and rainbows. Not everything is peachy keen.

I still have days where I lose my temper for no reason (literally). I still have moments where I want to run away. I still have mornings where it takes every ounce of strength to get out of bed and take care of the kids. I still have hours where all I want to do is scream and cry.

All this, and I'm considered stable.

A lot of people I know that suffer from a mental illness lose hope because of this. They start sinking back when they do have those moments of weakness and relapse. They start to lose focus when they start feeling down again. They will lose faith in themselves when the meds don't fix everything.

I've run into so many people who think that because they are on medication to help with whatever mental illness they have, they will be happy and healthy all the time. They believe the meds will not only help fix their mental illness, but get rid of every and any negative feeling they've ever had.

I wish it worked that way. I would love to never be mad, sad, or depressed ever again. That would just be the bees knees.

But it doesn't. Nothing is ever that easy.

Just because you are considered stable, doesn't mean everything is always awesome. You're still human. And even people without a mental illness still have bad days. They still get angry, get sad, get disappointed. No medication you could ever take will ever be a "cure-all" for life. You still have to deal with it.

Being stable means you are still unstable. You still have emotions and feelings. You still have to deal with life. Being unstable is an okay thing. It's how you handle that instability that is the true test. It's how you bounce back that really shows how far you've come.

You will always be unstable in your stability. You are stable when your unstable. They go hand and hand.

So keep looking up. Things are getting better even when it doesn't feel like it. You're almost there. You've almost bounced back. You're almost stable. 

There are many days throughout the year that we remember. Christmas, 4th of July, Halloween, Valentine's Day. Most are happy occasions that we spend with family and celebrate. Everyone looks forward to those days because of that reason, and because most will get the day off from work.

Then there are some that we don't look forward to. They hurt to remember. But we always will.

April 20, 1999 - Columbine Shooting (which took place just up the street from where I live)
April 19, 1995 - Oklahoma Bombing
April 15, 2013 - Boston Marathon Bombing
December 14, 2012 - Sandy Hook Elementary Shooting
April 16, 2007 - Virginia Tech Shooting

But there is one that affects every American.

September 11, 2001 - World Trade Center and Pentagon

This day stunned the entire world. It changed the course of history for an entire nation. 2,996 people lost their lives, including the 19 hijackers. Over $10 billion dollars worth of damage was done.

But no price can be set for the damage thousands of people who know have an empty seat at the table.

 I was only 12 when the attack took place. I honestly had no idea what everyone was talking about when I got to school that morning. But it didn't take long to figure out. There were TV's placed in every classroom. And while we still had to go to our respective classrooms throughout the day, no actual class took place. We were all glued to the TV's.

I don't remember a whole lot about that day beyond that. The day after, I learned that my best friend and next-door neighbor was directly impacted. Her brother's wife's father was the pilot of the plane to hit the second tower. While a distant family member, the ripples of tragedy flowed throughout that house. It hit home. And hard.

Every year we remember the almost 3,000 Americans who lost their lives. We see the memorials, the repeat footage, we even see how some families who lost loved ones are doing 10+ years later. It's gut-wrenching. Today is one day I refuse to watch the news because I will cry. All because of one memory...

In the days after the attack, it was still being analyzed and reported on 24/7. And our local news station was still partly based out of New York City (as were most I imagine). They did a segment on how some of the families were being affected. And how one father had to tell his 3 year old son that Mommy was not going to come home.

Seeing the footage of them sitting on the steps of their front walkway, seeing that little sweet boy wait for his mom to come home, and watching those two boys cry together is the one segment that I will never forget. I'm honestly tearing up thinking about it. No little boy should lose his mother that way. No one should have lost anyone that way on that day.

So, today, we remember. We remember the people that lost their lives in the name of freedom. But, please, take time to remember that little boy. Remember how he never got to tell his mommy goodbye. Remember all the families that will never get to kiss their brothers, sisters, wives, husbands, fathers, sons, and daughters again. Because, yes, those people lost their lives, but the families lost a piece of their hearts.

This past weekend, I attempted to go shopping. I say attempted because it was for clothes. And right now, I'm still carrying a considerable amount of baby weight (35-40 pounds). So yes. I have the mommy pouch that makes it damn near impossible to find anything I want to wear. Then, when I do, it doesn't look right on me. Back on the hanger it goes.

I'm also in a strange stage in my life. I have crossover tastes in clothes. Some stuff I like is in Misses. Other things are in Juniors.

WHICH DEPARTMENT AM I SUPPOSED TO SHOP IN?!

I'm only 25. I'm still young (even though there are days I feel way too old). But am I still young enough to get away with shopping in the Junior section? Or am I at the age where I need to avoid it like the plague.

Because here comes problem #2.

I can not stand to wear anything but low-rise jeans. Now, I'm not talking about I bend over and you can see what kind of plumber butt I have. But anything that either hits or comes above my belly button, and I feel like I'm being strangled by a boa constrictor. I've tried to wear mid-rise. Nope. Not happening.

Stupid jeans.

Then, there is my love of shoes. Oh dear Lord, do I love shoes. It' a problem. I purposely don't go into Off Broadway or DSW unattended. I know horrible things will happen. But I had Kyle with me this weekend, and he allowed it. So off I went.

First, shoes are ridiculously priced. Fall boots I adore. The price tags make me cry. So I ALWAYS bee-line for the clearance section of every store. I have damn near never paid full price for any shoes I own.

And did I hit the jack-pot! Some absolutely to die for hot pink pumps that made me feel like a million dollars. Black patent heels that I rocked. Boots that actually slimmed my thighs. Red sex kitten heels. All under $40 each. I was in love. And Kyle was going to let me have two pairs.

Well, the hot pink ones are awesome, but I don't have anything to wear with them.
The black ones are cute, but I always buy black. I need color.
The boots are nice, but they are so tight that I couldn't even get skinny jeans in there.
Where on earth would I wear those red ones to? I'm not a stripper.

Did you see what I did there? Do you realize what I just did? Isn't it just sick?

I have issues. So many issues. But one that actually makes me want to punch myself, is when my husband tries to spoil me rotten, and I deny it all.

My wonderful husband wanted me to get two pairs of shoes that made me feel good about myself, and I found every reason to NOT get them. Now don't get me wrong, every reason is valid. I can't really see myself wearing red heels on a playdate or hot pink pumps to the supermarket. I have two kids. That I have to chase. I don't run well in heels.

As we walked out of the store though, I saw Kyle's face. He was sad. He was disappointed that I wasn't allowing him to spoil me. And I felt horrible. But did I turn around and pick two pairs out? No. I started defending my decision.

What if we end up needing that money?
I know I need to buy new clothes, but that doesn't mean I'll find anything to go with those shoes.
We don't go out very often, and I don't want them to just sit in the closet getting dusty.

It was bad. And of course, because of my attitude, the rest of the afternoon was pretty much shot. It sucked. It still sucks. I feel stupid and horrible and mean and just icky inside.

I need to work on my wife-esteem. Part of the reason I denied my husband's attempts to spoil me is because I still feel like I don't deserve it. Because I'm not at my target weight yet, I feel like I should buy a whole lot of stuff because (in theory) I won't be able to wear it for very long. So why spend a ton of money on me when we could be spending it on the kids or Kyle? Why me when everyone else needs so much.

I know I'm on a dangerous path. This is the beginning of the road to complete desolation of myself. Kyle is proud of me, so I should be proud of me. My husband still thinks I'm hot stuff, so I should feel like hot stuff. My family loves me, so I should love me.

It all sounds good in theory, but it's always harder done than said. I know I need to work on my wife-esteem. I need to be okay with Kyle wanting to buy me things I want. No matter what I think. It makes my husband feel good about himself. I need to stop focusing everything I've got on everyone else, and spend at least a little more energy on me.

Otherwise, we all know where I'm going to end up. Overweight, stuck in sweatpants, permanent mom ponytail, and no cute shoes.

I've been a very bad girl. So, so bad. And the consequences have been pretty icky. Even with an alarm, I can't seem to make myself remember all the time (or get out of bed). That's right...

I've been missing my anti-depressants more than I've been taking them.

For about a week now, I've been kicking myself in the butt because I've been skipping my anti-depressant. Some mornings, I just don't feel like taking them. Other mornings I just won't drag myself out of bed to get them. And a few mornings I've genuinely forgotten to take them when I jump up to get the kids up and fed.

Things haven't been too bad. I haven't gone bat-shit crazy yet. I'm more tired than normal, and my energy level is a bit low. But over all, I don't feel too bad. Which, I'll admit, is just fueling the fire of "don't take them" that I've started. And that's NOT a good thing by any means.

The downfall to all of this though? Chase seems to have a six sense about me not taking my pills. Oh the humanity of his wrath! He's been BRUTAL this past week or so. He's even gotten to the point of hitting and pushing his sister. Which I thought would NEVER happen. But he's been testing my resolve as an unmedicated parent.

Like I said earlier, I haven't completely lost my mind yet. Yet being the key-word in the sentence. It's definitely not been easy. I've been struggling to keep my composure while trying to keep everyone else in line (because let's face it, I'm the enforcer and peacekeeper of the house, no matter what anyone else tells you). Needless to say though, I'm enjoying the fact that Chase is spending the day at his great-grandparents house today. Skylar and myself are enjoying the serenity of the house currently.

I do find it a bit humorous though. I didn't think that because I stopped taking my medication, my son would fly off his rocker. Just goes to show that everything you do as a parent influences your kids, whether you want it to or not.