Blog Archives

SuperHero Family... Unite!

10/30/2014

I'm so excited that Halloween is tomorrow! It's one of my favorite holidays. I look forward to it every year. And now that I have kids, it's even better!

Hanging out on Pinterest has given me such awesome and cute ideas for Halloween costumes. Especially for families. This year, Halloween snuck up on my though. So I was crunched for time and ended up buying the our costumes this year.

But I was bound and determined to make sure our little family all went together.

Can you tell by the title what I came up with? Did ya? Or do I need to tell you?

SUPERHEROS!

It was a split second of brilliance. I was pretty excited. Kyle was excited because he wouldn't have to wear a full costume. He could get away with just wearing a shirt. Sky's costume came with stuff to keep her warm, mine was too cute, and Chase was just excited to get a "present."

May I introduce, SuperGirl! Saving the world from lack of cuteness!

Her Daddy is the hero Gotham has been waiting for....

Batman's has a son?! And it's Spiderman?! Say what?!

And finally, the one secretly in charge of everything.... Robin!

Together we make up one crazy, weird, terrifyingly mish-mashed superhero family!
Coming to a door near you!
(Make sure you have the good candy. I promised Batman good candy for that photo opt)

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Popularity Contest

10/29/2014

1 Comment

I've been sick the past few days. I've been fighting off a cold. Kyle was sweet enough to stay home on Monday to help take care of the kids. Today, the kids spent the day with their great-grandparents so Kyle could go to work and I could try not to get them sick.

We can only wait and see if that worked or not.

But as I was dropping of the kids at their great-grandparents house, I learned that one set of neighbors had bought him a pumpkin and another had bought him a tool set. It's not his birthday, or Christmas, or even Easter! It's a Tuesday!

Then it hit me. Hard.

My son is more popular than I am.

Um, that's not even right. I'm the cool one. I'm the awesome one. Without my awesomeness, there wouldn't be his cuteness. Just fyi.

But no. I get swept under the rug. I'm not even kidding. His great-grandparents live in a trailer park. If the managers see me driving by, they rush over to the trailer to say hi. They demand that he get brought over. He goes for a walk in the afternoon while he's there, and EVERYONE comes out of their trailers to see this kid.

It's just not right, I tell you! I wasn't even that popular in high school.

I wasn't that popular ever. *sigh*

Don't have cute kids... just don't.

1 Comment

Are You A Bad Mother?

10/28/2014

3 Comments

Debating is a part of life. You run into it everyday. Politics being at the top of the list. But you also run into equal rights, women's rights, freedom of speech, etc. The list really is endless. You could debate what kind of shoes you should be wearing with another person if you really wanted to.

Recently, on a mom forum I'm on, a woman posted a question. The first line?

Debate Time.

Oh great. You've done did it now!

Naturally, I clicked, because being me, I'm not one to at least poke my head in on a debate.

It was about spanking your kids. Whether or not we did it. Whether or not we thought it was right.

Needless to say, there was an uproar that poured out. I awoke to a total of 93 alerts in relation to the thread. It was ridiculous. Everything had started out very nice and calm and respectful. Then, of course, someone took something the wrong way and the fur flew.

In a nutshell, a mom had said she only used spanking as a last resort, and it was only one swat. He son had ended up climbing up on a counter to get a cookie without asking. When she saw him standing tiptoe on the counter, she grabbed him, but him on the ground, swatted his butt and gave him a firm "No!" She has written that she felt bad about swatting him, but felt in that moment it was necessary to convey how much of a No! that was.

Another mom, about ten years younger than the first, lost her marbles over this. She already didn't agree with spanking, which is totally fine. But she went on a rampage on this other mom. "You can't teach love while hitting. There are better ways to tell him no. I couldn't imagine spanking my child. What you did was abuse." She went on and on and on. She made this mom feel horrible. And I have to admit, I agreed with the first mom.

I'm okay with spanking. Sometimes, with my stubborn, strong-willed son, it's a necessity. I say that with love and a dash of humor though. I never look forward to hitting my child. But there are times when he's either about to do something stupid dangerous or I've exhausted every other plan I've got (warning, toys taken away, time out, no dessert, etc.).

This younger moms main argument was that it's the adults who were spanked as kids are the ones that end up in prison. They become abusive and kill people.

Um. No I didn't. I got spanked... A lot as a kid. And always because I was being a brat and needed it. I haven't killed anyone. I haven't beaten someone up. I haven't become a terrible person.

And neither will my son. If he does, heaven forbid, it'll be because of something else. It'll be because something isn't computing right in his head, he falls in with the wrong people, or something along those lines. It won't be because I swatted him on the butt while playing with tanks of propane.

And I'm NOT a terrible mother because of it. You aren't a terrible mother if you swat your kid if they need it.

You aren't a terrible mother if you never spank your kid.

We are all moms. We all do things differently. Our parents did things differently and most of us turned out fine.

So whether or not you spank your child, baby wear, use all organic products, let your two year old eat French Fries for dinner, let your daughter lift her skirt in public, catch your kid stealing a swig of beer (don't lie, you know it happens), or some other craziness, YOU ARE A GOOD MOM. I'm a good mom. You are a good mom. My mom is a good mom. Your great aunt twice removed was a good mom.

Unless they weren't. Then, well, I hope therapy is going well for you.

3 Comments

Dating My Son

10/27/2014

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Chase knows how to drive me crazy. I'm mean, swinging from the ceilings, make me think my meds aren't strong enough crazy. He's just a little ball of grumpy hyper-ness. He's just like his momma. *insert eye roll*

But at the same time, he's my little Mister Handsome. He has some manners that rival some adult men. Like at snack time, he'll try to share whatever he's eating. He'll try sharing it with anyone in the room. Daddy, Grandpa, Grandma, Sissy, Me, or even his speech therapist. He'll hold the front door open while I haul his sister and the diaper bag out. He'll even pick up dirty dishes and take them to the sink after dinner.

I've worked really hard on his manners too. It's something I feel very strongly about. I see too many kids older than him that are rude, loud, obnoxious, and just plain disrespectful. I do NOT want my son to be that way. I want my son to be the one boy in school that won't make fun of a girl who's accidentally leaked through her jeans in middle school. I want him to be the one that hands her his jacket to tie around her waist. I want him to be the one that stops and helps an older man carry groceries to his car without being asked.

I also want my son to know how to go on a date. So I'm starting early.

That's right, you heard me.

I'm starting out small, of course. I'm not making him wear a tuxedo and going to a 5 star restaurant. This first date we went to Jump Street. He still held open doors for me, and he even paid! Don't worry about the fact that he had to borrow a few bucks off of me. It's the thought that counts. He had so much fun jumping around on the trampolines. I don't think that he know that I know that he was flirting with a cute little blonde we were there. I'll have to work on that.

We were going to go out to lunch afterwards, but a certain two year old decided to throw a fit, so we went home instead. That kinda sucked. I was looking forward to a lunch at Sweet Tomatoes. He loves their mac and cheese.

It was good for both of us though. We got to spend some quality time with each other. I got to just hang out with my little boy. Because he quickly lost his littleness. I'm trying to soak in every extra second I can of him.

So, once a month, he and I are going to go on a date. He are going to go do something fun, just him and I. Go to the zoo, museum, aquarium, back to Jump Street, or something fun activity. And if his attitude holds up, I plan on taking him to lunch afterwards. But, he's two, so I don't hold my breath. Sweet little thing of mine.

My hope in the process of all this is that he learns how to be polite and courteous. That he'll learn how to treat his future wife. I also hope that in this process, I can keep my baby boy my baby just a bit longer.

2 Comments

What Does He See?

10/16/2014

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My mind wanders. It wanders quite often. I really need to put a leash on the thing. It's starting to not come home at the end of the day.

The other day though, I was reading through some random blogs. I came across one in which the author had interviewed her husband about sex, and the answers were surprising. And it gave me an idea.

I went and found Kyle and asked if I could interview him for the blog. Of course he asked what about.

"What it's like living with a spouse who suffers from a mental illness."

He paused for a moment. I quizzical look came across his face. I told him he didn't have to, but I thought it was a good idea to get a different point of view when it comes to mental illness.

Obviously, he agreed, otherwise I wouldn't have posted this or told you anything about it. So here it is. An interview I thought I'd never do.

How do you feel about mental illnesses in general?
Um. I mean, they are out there. There is no getting away from them. They don't bother me. I'm willing to help when and where I can. Plain and simple.

Were you aware of mental illnesses before meeting me?
Yeah. I remembering hearing about them in the news. You've been the closest person to me with a mental illness. I've learned a lot pretty quick.

Did you ever think that I would have a relapse?
I didn't think you would. I hoped you wouldn't. But it was in the back of my head. It was always a possibility. Not something I was prepared for, even though I knew it was a possibility.

What was your initial reaction to my recent trip to the mental hospital?
I was in shock at first that it happened. It all happened really fast. It really sucked hearing what was going on, but it was all for the better.

Do you think it was overall a good or bad thing?
I think it was a good thing because we ended up getting the help that you needed, and you've been doing much, much better since.

What's the scariest part of having a wife with a mental illness and leaving the kids with me?
Hmm. The scariest part is you being by yourself with no backup. I know that you could have a really rough day, and there is no way for me to help out with it. I'm not scared that you are going to hurt the kids or yourself. I'm just worried about a breakdown and you could end up back in the hospital where I can't comfort or help you.

What's the hardest part about having a wife with a mental illness?
Trying to make sure I don't set you off. Making sure.... um... how do I word this? Making sure no one pushes you over your limits (kids, inlaws, etc.) Just keeping everyone in check. Keeping your anxiety level down.

If you could tell people with mental illnesses one thing, what would it be?
Don't let them drag you down. They are out there. People have them, and you are one of them. But do not let them bring your spirit down.

Some of the answers I knew already since we talk about my mental illness pretty often. Other answers surprised me a bit. I didn't realize how much time he spends keeping not just the kids in line, but the whole family. I knew he would give the fair warning if I was just not with it one day, but he's actively talking to his family about ways they can help. If that doesn't prove I married a good one, I don't know what does.

I'm also very proud of my husband for being as open about all of this. Mental illness in a spouse is a very scary thing, but he carries the as if it was nothing. He's also not afraid to talk and listen to those people he knows about mental illness. It doesn't phase him anymore.

I want to thank my amazing hubby-bubby, Kyle, for letting me use him for this interview. I appreciate his willingness to help not only me, but other people who suffer. You are amazing pookie-wokie-bear!

(I wonder how big of an eye-roll I'm going to get later for all the mush!! LOL)

3 Comments

Anything He Can Do, I Can Do Better...

10/14/2014

10 Comments

Women are amazing creatures, if I do say so myself. We can be mothers, sisters, daughters, homemakers, career women, worry warts, and chauffeurs. And usually, we are doing at least three at the same time. We are busy, busy things, always going a million miles a minute. Even when it looks like we are zombied out.

We are never zombied out, by the way. NEVER.

As busy as we are in today's day and age, we do not have time for nonsense. We don't have time to be sick. We don't have time to be depressed.

So why is it that women are more than twice as likely to suffer from a mental illness?

Just isn't fair is it? So why are we cursed to deal with mental illness on top of it?

Sadly, it's because we are women. That is, in fact, one of the biggest contributing factors.

What exactly causes women to be prewired for mental illnesses? Several things. At the top of the list is our hormones. Hormones can be blamed for just about every weird and icky thing we go through. Hormones suck, and we are doomed to wrestle with them until we die. It starts with puberty, then with pregnancy, and then menopause. It never ends.

Women are also pre-programmed to think. A lot. Too much even. But that's how we are wired. We are programmed to worry about ourselves, our parents, our husbands, our children, our jobs, everything. It's through all this thinking and worrying that our brain goes caput. Our brain short circuits a bit and we end up with a mental illness.

What goes hand in hand with worrying and thinking all the time? Stress. So. Much. Stress. Not only are we constantly on the go and always running our brains on high speed, there are many expectations that society has placed on us. Not only are we working just like our male-counterparts, but we are also expected to take on the brunt of raising the kids, the housework, and keeping everyone else on schedule. Like I said before, busy, busy, busy.

You want to know the number one reason women are more likely to suffer from a mental illness than men? Because we get help.

That's right. So simple, huh?

Yup, We have a higher mental illness rate because we go in, talk to a doctor, and get the help we need. Men are programmed to be strong, brave, and stone cold to emotions. So when they start showing signs of a mental illness, they don't say anything. They stay tight lipped. Men are more likely to abuse substances before they go and get help for a mental illness.

Crazy right?

But all of this is important. It's important to know what can cause these things. When you know what can naturally set things in motion. It's also gives you the jump on preventing a mental illness from creeping up on you.

Women are, unfortunately, programmed to handle all of this. It may not seem like it, but we a naturally more susceptible to mental health problems, so we are also better equipped than the men in our lives to overcome it. You can also take comfort in knowing that you are not alone. You are in good company. You are struggling with millions of other women (and a few good men) with mental illnesses.

We really do need to make jackets...

10 Comments

M.I.A.

10/13/2014

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I have been M.I.A. the past several days. I had a bunch of stuff planned for Thursday and Friday. But nope, nada, zilch happened. I posted in a few link-ups, but that was it.

I had a bad week. Even with anti-depressants, I got picked up, thrown down, spit on, and told I was trash. And I felt like it all week long too. Nothing went right for me.

I would wake up in the morning, and despise the daylight. I would drag myself out of bed, crawl across the floor, and stumble upstairs for my coffee and meds. It was taking everything I had to brush my teeth in the morning.

The light made me hide. The noise made me cringe. And two hyper kids made me cry. I was a wreck. It didn't feel like I could do anything.

The only time I was, let call it, content, was when I was downstairs, in the quiet, on my bed, reading a book. I could forget the entire world existed, and that I existed too.

Usually, I can't tell why I have a breakdown. It's hard for me to pinpoint the situation or time frame that made me lose every ounce of sanity I had.

This time around, I know exactly what caused it.

As awful as it may sound, if I don't get at least one day a week without Chase, I start to lose my cool. I love him dearly. I can't imagine my life without him. But I HAVE to get that break. He's just a hyper little toddler that drains me. I need that one day during the week to regain my composure for the rest of the week.

And I hadn't had that break in three. I collapsed. I fell down, in the fetal position, snot everywhere, crying until it felt like my eyes were gonna bleed.

This past weekend, though, my wonderful husband set up a baby sitter for the kids, and took my out all of Saturday afternoon. I got new shoes (an instant fix for any girl), a three new shirts, a strawberry banana smoothie, and Chinese food.

It was the perfect reset for my horrible week. Even when the Chinese food made me sick. I needed the break, I needed to be spoiled, I needed to be a woman again, not just a mom.

And I think that's important for all moms to remember. We have to constantly remind ourselves, that no matter what, we are women. We are first and foremost a woman, then a wife, a mother, a daughter, a friend. But we have to remember that we need breaks from life. We need to remember what makes us happy, and go do it, damnit!

It's okay to scream, "Uncle!" It's okay to throw up the white flag and admit that life has officially kicked your ass and laid you out. It's normal. It's inevitable.

Just don't be afraid to kick it's ass right back when you get back up while wearing your red lipstick and sexy kitten heels.

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Times Are Hard

10/8/2014

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I don't know anyone who isn't taking a hit right now. Financially, emotionally, physically. It's rough. People are having to sell their homes, become one car families, work two jobs, and sacrificing many things just to make ends meet.

Our family is no different. We've had to make cut backs, go without many things, and get very creative with our budget.

This month, it wasn't enough.

Today, I had to do something I didn't want to do. I'm near tears while just writing about it cause it sucks so much. Call me sentimental.

I had been saving a bunch of the kids stuff. I was saving them mostly for myself, but also so they could have them for their kids. I had infant clothes, toddler clothes, winter, summer, coats, hats, costumes, socks, and a few special toys.

I went from about four boxes, to one.

There's a children's consignment in town, and in a last ditch effort to make ends meet this month, I had to go through EVERYTHING and part with what I call too much. I packed pajamas, little onesies, adorable jackets, and tiny shoes to go take to the consignment store. Baby bath tubs, little rocker, first toys, and even Chase's first marshmallow suit.

I cried. I called my husband and just bawled.

Don't get me wrong. I wasn't keeping every single thing. I had already taken several boxes to Goodwill over the years. But, this was stuff close to my heart. I know I didn't get rid of all of it. But just knowing his baby snowsuit his in my trunk, ready to be sold, makes me want to cry all over again.

Along with all of the kids stuff, I also went through my own stuff. Not much, just things I had been holding onto in hopes of one day fitting into again. Three dresses, three pairs of shoes, a Coach purse, and a few random shirts. Kyle was not exempt either. Football cleats, football gloves, and a few movies where also put into the pile.

Times are hard. Going through this is even harder. But I know I'm not the only one, and I know that others are giving up much more.

Still sucks.

7 Comments

Mommy Is Weird

10/7/2014

9 Comments

Hot Ride

I love being silly. I enjoy dancing in my car, singing of key at the top of my lungs, making stupid puns, and riding on the kiddie bikes at Wal-Mart. Making people laugh is not only one of my talents, but something I love doing.

Laughter is also very important to keep doing when you have a mental illness. It's one of the only things that can truly pull you out of a dark place, even when you don't want. When something is really funny, depressed or not, you WILL laugh.

There is something I'm looking forward to, the older I get. I used to do it to my little sister, but this time around, I think it will be a million times better. I dream of the first day it really happens.

Every mom wants to be a "cool" mom. Me?

I want to be a weird mom. Call me sick, but I can hardly wait for the day when I get to embarrass my kids.

No, seriously! This is a day I can not wait for. Right now, my kids thinks my silliness is awesome and fun and cool. One day, that will change. They will think I'm crazy, weird, and just plain embarrassing.

And oh boy! do I plan on delivering.

Making Chase give me kisses when I drop him off his first day of high school.
Calling pads "wingy things" at the store with my daughter.
Showing off the naked baby butt pictures when their dates come over.
Dancing down the aisle of Target when a good song comes on.
Making funny faces at them when chaperoning the middle school dances.

So. Much. Fun. For. Me.

My sister and I are just too cool

But there is a method to my madness. There is a reason I want to be a weird mom.

I want my kids to learn that they shouldn't worry about what other people think. It's okay to be weird and not "normal" if that's what makes YOU happy. You don't have to constantly try to fit in, because the right people will find you if you are just you.

I spent years of my life being miserable because I was tormented in elementary school. It wasn't until high school that I started not caring what others thought (maybe that's why I was the only one in pink I my "goth" group of friends). I found people who accepted me for me. Akwardness and all.

I still have my moments. I still have my days where I will NOT leave the house without a killer outfit ad make-up. But I want Skylar to know it's okay to go out looking frumpy if you're just running to King Soopers. That it's okay for Chase to be a bit "dorky" and excel in math. It's okay to jam out to your jam." Even if you're in the middle of the mall.

I want my kids to learn from my example. It took 20 years to finally get comfortable with myself and my weirdness. I don't want them to wait that long. I want my kids to be confident and love who they are, no matter who is watching.

Oo-La-La!

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Christmas in October?!

10/2/2014

8 Comments

Here we are. The second day in October. Can you believe how the time is just flying by? For me, it seems to have sped by since we hit August. I don't remember much of September!

I've been enjoying the fall weather. It's still rather warm, and I'm beyond ready for the true crispness of fall. We had a bon-fire this past weekend since it was still so warm.

But at that fire, I got asked a what I thought was a bizarre question.

What do the kids want for Christmas?

Um. Huh? What? Run that by me one more time. I must be hearing things, right?

Nope! People are already asking for not only the kids', but my Christmas list. Okay, seriously, though. I don't even have the kids Halloween costumes yet (or even know what Chase is going to be for that matter), and you are expecting me to have already compiled lists for Christmas?!

Don't get me wrong here, though. I love Christmas just as much, if not a bit more, as the next person. But I consider myself to be reasonable in my crazy infatuation of the holiday. I don't decorate until the day after Thanksgiving. I don't start putting presents out until the week of Christmas (that's more so Chase doesn't rip into them early), and the week following New Year's Day, it all comes down. I adore Christmas.

But I'm also very considerate of the holidays before it.

Halloween is first. Get dressed up, get free candy, get fat.

Thanksgiving is next. Go see family, cook a huge meal, get fat.

Then Christmas. Decorate like crazy, bake like a mad woman, get fat.

It's a wonderful set up actually. And I think it should be respected. So, for all of our sakes. Wait until at least after Halloween before you start badgering for Christmas stuff.

It's just polite to the other holidays.

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