Recently, on a mom forum I'm on, a woman posted a question. The first line?
Oh great. You've done did it now!
Naturally, I clicked, because being me, I'm not one to at least poke my head in on a debate.
It was about spanking your kids. Whether or not we did it. Whether or not we thought it was right.
Needless to say, there was an uproar that poured out. I awoke to a total of 93 alerts in relation to the thread. It was ridiculous. Everything had started out very nice and calm and respectful. Then, of course, someone took something the wrong way and the fur flew.
In a nutshell, a mom had said she only used spanking as a last resort, and it was only one swat. He son had ended up climbing up on a counter to get a cookie without asking. When she saw him standing tiptoe on the counter, she grabbed him, but him on the ground, swatted his butt and gave him a firm "No!" She has written that she felt bad about swatting him, but felt in that moment it was necessary to convey how much of a No! that was.
Another mom, about ten years younger than the first, lost her marbles over this. She already didn't agree with spanking, which is totally fine. But she went on a rampage on this other mom. "You can't teach love while hitting. There are better ways to tell him no. I couldn't imagine spanking my child. What you did was abuse." She went on and on and on. She made this mom feel horrible. And I have to admit, I agreed with the first mom.
I'm okay with spanking. Sometimes, with my stubborn, strong-willed son, it's a necessity. I say that with love and a dash of humor though. I never look forward to hitting my child. But there are times when he's either about to do something stupid dangerous or I've exhausted every other plan I've got (warning, toys taken away, time out, no dessert, etc.).
This younger moms main argument was that it's the adults who were spanked as kids are the ones that end up in prison. They become abusive and kill people.
Um. No I didn't. I got spanked... A lot as a kid. And always because I was being a brat and needed it. I haven't killed anyone. I haven't beaten someone up. I haven't become a terrible person.
And neither will my son. If he does, heaven forbid, it'll be because of something else. It'll be because something isn't computing right in his head, he falls in with the wrong people, or something along those lines. It won't be because I swatted him on the butt while playing with tanks of propane.
And I'm NOT a terrible mother because of it. You aren't a terrible mother if you swat your kid if they need it.
You aren't a terrible mother if you never spank your kid.
We are all moms. We all do things differently. Our parents did things differently and most of us turned out fine.
So whether or not you spank your child, baby wear, use all organic products, let your two year old eat French Fries for dinner, let your daughter lift her skirt in public, catch your kid stealing a swig of beer (don't lie, you know it happens), or some other craziness, YOU ARE A GOOD MOM. I'm a good mom. You are a good mom. My mom is a good mom. Your great aunt twice removed was a good mom.
Unless they weren't. Then, well, I hope therapy is going well for you.