All I can do is worry. I worry about him drowning, getting lost, getting kidnapped, getting injured, etc. I know with four people watching him, he will be fine. But I can't help but worry about my little boy. It also doesn't help that I'm going to miss his birthday. He turns two on Friday. Kyle will be driving up Friday night, but I won't see him until I drive up until Saturday.
I know this is going to be good for me though. I need to break from being pulled in so many directions. I can spend some time focusing on Skylar and myself. I can relax a little bit this week. I need some calm this week, and with a basically empty house, I'm going to get it. I can pretty much whatever I want. I can get stuff done that I can't normally do with Chase underneath my feet. I don't have so many time restrictions, too.
But I still can't help my feel a hole in my heart. He's not here to play with, to talk to, to snuggle with at nap time, to hug early in the morning, to clean up after. It's not until he left that you miss even the less glamorous parts of being a parent.
Even though he frustrates me to no end some days, now he's not here to frustrate me, and I miss that. I miss his funny personality and his stubbornness. I miss all of his funny faces, and even the grumpy ones too.
I know I'll make it through this week, but it's not going to be easy. I'm trying to keep my cool and not stalker call my in-laws every five minutes making sure he's alright. I'm also having to be very diligent with my medication. I know if I miss even one pill, I'm going to go crazy with worry. As if I'm not already. But drugs make it easier to hide.