One question I keep hearing, while albeit personal, still holds a very good point that EVERY mom goes through. Imagine this day. You have two kids. they both woke up at seven. The youngest, at 4 months, is demanding a bottle, while the other is demanding cereal to fill his 2 year old tummy. And you know to not keep a toddler waiting. Or to keep a baby waiting. Today, your 2 year old is feeling particularly frenzied, and decides to spend the day screaming, kicking, throwing, punching, pinching, eating dirt, playing in the trash, refuses to nap, won't eat anything you put in front of him, and also chooses today to learn to take off his diaper before he poops on the carpet. All the while your baby has decided today is a good day to start teething and won't stop crying because her mouth hurts so freakishly bad. You didn't get coffee this morning, no shower, can't remember is you put on clean underwear, you're pretty sure you brushed your teeth, hair started in a bun, but is now part bun, part pony tail, part frizz monster, and the only thing you've eaten so far is the peanut butter and jelly sandwich Little Mister threw on the floor during lunch. After hours and hours of this torment, you finally drag your butt into bed at 10 pm, ready to pass out from exhaustion. Then, your hubby crawls in.
"Hey baby." Oh. My. God. He wants to do the bow-chicka-wow-wow.
I hear it all the time. How do I get back into wanting to have sex? How do I find the time for sex? I'm pretty sure I forgot what that was. Can you explain it to me again? You mean, after two kids, I still have to have sex with my husband? How do I make sex and spending time with my husband a priority again?
It's not easy. But it's not uncommon. I know I had this problem with both of my kids. It actually started when I was still pregnant with Chase. When I was pregnant with Chase, I would get extremely sick after having sex. I couldn't sleep because my stomach hurt so much. And then after I had him, I couldn't stay awake to be able to even try to have sex. I was exhausted constantly. Then the holidays approached. With all the shopping, cooking, baking, and planning on top of taking care of a newborn was just stupid. I was out by 9 pm almost every night, and stopped waking up for night feedings pretty much all together (good thing I was bottle feeding by that time). I would force myself to have sex though. Don't get me wrong, I still enjoyed it, once we got going. But that initial foreplay part was just so much damn work. I would rather have slept. But I already felt bad enough. That and if I forced myself to have sex, I could get a couple nights without getting bugged for it.
Just about the time I started getting my libido back, I was not only planning a wedding that was only a couple months away, but I got pregnant again. Seriously though, every time I set a wedding date for my wedding, I ended up knocked up. And people wonder why I'll never get married again. Poor Kyle though. I was so busy from planning a birthday party (Chase's 1st), a wedding, and when I wasn't doing either of those, I was throwing up from the morning sickness. Also, sex was once again not an interest for me. After Chase (and me getting sick after sex while pregnant with him), I didn't even want to try. It was a long 9 months. And after having Sky, I had two babies under 2 to keep up with and my depression crept back up. My sex life came to a screeching and sudden halt.
So the answer to the question? How do I make sex important again and something I want to do?
Keep trying. I'm four months post partum with Skylar (to the day actually) and I'm just now getting back my libido. I'm far from where I was before I ever got pregnant, but it's getting there. What's my trick. Just do it. Yup. Take a cue from Nike and Just Do It. For me, it basically kick started my system. Also, I almost never say no to Kyle when it comes to sex. Unless I'm sick, in pain, or honestly going to pass out in the middle of it, I say yes to sex. Lastly, I started flirting with my husband again. At first it was hard and felt stupid. I'm married to the man. I have him. Why should I flirt? Because it's so stinkin' important. It not only makes him feel like a rock star (seriously; watch his ego inflate to that of a teenager) but it'll start making you feel sexier and more desired too. Everybody wins.
So here it is. Making sex seem awesome again in three steps.
1. Just do it.
2. Never say no unless you absolutely have to (which should be rarely)
3. Flirt shamelessly (make an effort to gross out your kids, within reason)
And bonus step...
4. Don't be afraid to talk to your hubby about it. I'm sure he will be more than willing to help come up with ideas to help you want sex again. Trust me.