I had a bad week. Even with anti-depressants, I got picked up, thrown down, spit on, and told I was trash. And I felt like it all week long too. Nothing went right for me.
I would wake up in the morning, and despise the daylight. I would drag myself out of bed, crawl across the floor, and stumble upstairs for my coffee and meds. It was taking everything I had to brush my teeth in the morning.
The light made me hide. The noise made me cringe. And two hyper kids made me cry. I was a wreck. It didn't feel like I could do anything.
The only time I was, let call it, content, was when I was downstairs, in the quiet, on my bed, reading a book. I could forget the entire world existed, and that I existed too.
Usually, I can't tell why I have a breakdown. It's hard for me to pinpoint the situation or time frame that made me lose every ounce of sanity I had.
This time around, I know exactly what caused it.
As awful as it may sound, if I don't get at least one day a week without Chase, I start to lose my cool. I love him dearly. I can't imagine my life without him. But I HAVE to get that break. He's just a hyper little toddler that drains me. I need that one day during the week to regain my composure for the rest of the week.
And I hadn't had that break in three. I collapsed. I fell down, in the fetal position, snot everywhere, crying until it felt like my eyes were gonna bleed.
This past weekend, though, my wonderful husband set up a baby sitter for the kids, and took my out all of Saturday afternoon. I got new shoes (an instant fix for any girl), a three new shirts, a strawberry banana smoothie, and Chinese food.
It was the perfect reset for my horrible week. Even when the Chinese food made me sick. I needed the break, I needed to be spoiled, I needed to be a woman again, not just a mom.
And I think that's important for all moms to remember. We have to constantly remind ourselves, that no matter what, we are women. We are first and foremost a woman, then a wife, a mother, a daughter, a friend. But we have to remember that we need breaks from life. We need to remember what makes us happy, and go do it, damnit!
It's okay to scream, "Uncle!" It's okay to throw up the white flag and admit that life has officially kicked your ass and laid you out. It's normal. It's inevitable.
Just don't be afraid to kick it's ass right back when you get back up while wearing your red lipstick and sexy kitten heels.