The other day on the radio, there was a woman who wrote into the station about a problem she was having. She was hoping to get an answer to a situation she was in. And I could relate.
She was out one night with some of her girlfriends. All of them had kids of their own. After a few drinks, the woman who wrote in opened up to her friends. She told them that she regretting having her kids. Needless to say, her "friends" barely talk to her now and one won't even talk to her at all. She wanted to know if she should apologize to her friends for what she said. She ended the letter to the station with, "I love my kids to death. I wouldn't change having them at all."
First, let me give you my response.
Hell no you don't have apologize! You were being honest. Never apologize for speaking the truth. You're "friends" are being stupid. There is no reason for them to not talk to you over that. They should've realized that while you may have meant what you said in the moment, that it's not a constant feeling and should have reached out to you to make she you are okay. Bitches be cray!
The station took calls from people giving their opinion on the situation. A woman called in who was irate. She could not fathom how any mother could say that. Ever. She believed that if any mother EVER felt that way about her kids, she shouldn't have them. Give the kids to a family who actually WANTS them. She said that the woman should have never become a mother.
My response to that caller. SHUT YOUR MOUTH! Just because you are the self proclaimed World's Best Mother doesn't mean you get to make that decision for other women. It's because of people like you that the world is a bit darker. You don't have to push your beliefs and ideals onto other people. Poo on you.
Here's my story...
I regret having my kids. Not in the way you would think though. I don't know any mother who, after an extremely rough and stressful day, has sat in a chair and thought to herself, "What. The. Hell. I must have been crazy to think this would be fun." If you tell you have never had at least a half second of regret about your kids in their lives, you are a liar. Or an alien. One of the two.
i love my kids. They are my world. Seeing Skylar poke her head up in the morning when I get her up or seeing her butt wiggle when she crawls across the floor makes me giggle. When Chase gives me goodnight kisses and hearing him laugh fills my heart with love. I wouldn't change a thing about them.
But, I regret them.
I regret that they came so soon. I didn't get to be a "newlywed." I jumped from being a mother, to a wife, to a mother again. I didn't get a chance to be just a wife. I wasn't ready for them at the time. They were both surprises, and boy did they take me by surprise. I didn't get a chance to prepare to be a mother. I just all of a sudden was one.
I didn't get a chance to finish growing up I feel like. I just all of a sudden was. And it's hard sometimes. It's hard to think about what I missed out on and the experiences that I have to wait another 20 years to have.
Does that mean I don't love my kids? Does it mean that I don't want my kids? Of course not. It means that I am human. It means I have flaws. There's nothing wrong with feeling that way. It becomes a problem when that's the only thing you feel towards your kids. Fleeting thoughts or a horrific day that triggers that feeling is normal. You don't have to keep that to yourself either.
You should be able to be honest with your friends. Those "friends" that ditched the woman who wrote into the radio station were not her friends at all. If you can't be completely honest with those who are close to you, they aren't that close. Any normal mother will understand how you are feeling and that you are just asking for a bit of help.
You are not messed up, weird, or a bad mother for thinking that way. Let me make that perfectly clear. If you feel that way constantly, then yes, you need to talk to a professional. But a fleeting though after a day of accidents, screaming, temper-tantrums, no naps, and laundry as far as the eye can see? Yeah, you're good.