Last night Chase kept freaking out about not being in his own bed, or at least somewhere he recognized. My mom has moved since we stayed at her house last. And oh, my, lanta did he have a fit. He was able to go down without two much trouble, but he woke up about an hour after going to bed and started screaming. The only thing that calmed him down was me laying next to him in the tiny twin bed. That wasn't going to work. So last night, Kyle's parents met me halfway between here and home, picked up Chase, and took him home. He's spending the day with his great-grandparents today, and Kyle will pick him up and stay at the house with him while Sky and I have a girls mini vacation. While I miss my boys, this is stupidly nice. So. Stinkin'. Quiet.
On another note though, I've been having trouble the past couple weeks. While I was hoping I was going to be able to keep going strong on my current anti-depressant, the time has come to request an official med change. I was doing really well at first, but that was more because the drugs were trying to reset themselves. After finally simmering down in my system, how I truly react to them is starting to show. It's not really bad, but it's not that great either. I'm still having good days, but my mood is starting to fluctuate again.
Take yesterday. I woke up in just a foul mood. But by the time the kids got up, I was feeling normal again (which might have been a reflection of a shower, which I rarely get in the morning). Come lunch time, I was starting to get really overwhelmed with everything that had to be done before I left for therapy. I had to finish packing, feed Chase, get ready, get the kids all ready to go for the babysitter, go to therapy, get to my mom's, unpack, figure out what we needed for groceries this week, go get the groceries, cook dinner, and get the kids to bed. Oy. Then Chase woke up early from his nap. Which got me really upset, since I knew he was going to be in a foul mood from about 5pm on. And I was right. You looked at the kid wrong and he started screaming and crying. I was happy during dinner, but shortly after finishing cleaning up, I started getting just plain mad at everything. For me, that's too much fluctuation if I'm on medication. There's got to be something out there that will work better.
My psychiatrist was already considering putting me on a different medication. We both wanted to see if I kept up the positive mood or if it started downhill again. That's one thing you have to remember when it comes to medication. It doesn't always work the first time. And even when you do find something that works, you may still have to change medications because you're body builds up an immunity to it. You have to hit it with something else. Many people who start taking anti-depressants think they're going to feel better in a week and be all fixed. If only it were that easier. But the brain is a tricky thing. It doesn't play by normal rules. And it's mysterious. No two brains are the same. One way to prove it is all the different kinds of anti-depressants there are on the market. Hundreds. Each one effects someone differently. You have to find your match. It's a lot of work, but in the end, it can be totally worth it.
Today I'm feeling pretty good. Even though I didn't sleep very much. I'm sure it has a lot to do with the fact that I'm not dealing with a million different things at once. I'm getting a day basically to myself. I don't count Skylar as a chore, because she's not. She's perfectly content to just hang out with me, play with her toys, roll over (cause she's doing that now! Eeeek!), and love on the cats. I'm enjoying my, what I'm referring to as, my day off from life. Us girls are having a pajama day and relaxing. Bring on the trashy TV and junk food!