And it sucks.
Hi, my name is Kristen and I have Borderline Personality Disorder.
Borderline Personality Disorder - A mental illness disorder characterized by unstable moods, behaviors, and relationships. (But it's really so much more than that)
As it stands right now, BPD is one of the most vague diagnosis's you can receive, but an accurate term doesn't exist right now. And while there are clinical trials being done to learn more about BPD, it seems to be a lifelong condition with no real "cure." It affects 5.9% of Americans.
Now, there are a bunch of other symptoms that come with having BPD, but like with every illness, not everyone experiences all of them the same way. Which means I can only talk about my experience with BPD. And it's not pretty.
I was diagnosed a few weeks ago. My therapist and I were talking about how I felt my meds weren't working and how I was dealing with so much at the same time. A divorce, troubles at my job, issues with my living situation, feeling distant from my kids, becoming estranged from my mother, and not knowing who I was (or am). It's been a whirlwind since then. Trying to figure out not only what BPD is, but how it effects myself and those I love, as well as how to go through life with this diagnosis.
This week, I'll be going through my symptoms of BDP and where they stem and manifest from.
- Fear of Abandonment
- Distorted and unstable self-image
- Recurring suicidal behaviors, threats, or ideas
- Intense and highly interchangeable moods
- Chronic feelings of emptiness
It's not going to be easy to unleashing everything onto here. Some parts are going to hurt and make us both cringe. But it needs to be out. It needs to be released into the world. And maybe it'll find it's way to someone who can benefit.