Maniac Mom
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7/3/2014

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Well, humph. Two weeks go by and I'm still not diagnosed by my psychiatrist. We've been able to (at least for the time being) rule out bi-polar disorder. I'm leaning more towards major depression with anxiety, but PTSD is actually a possibility, too. The reason being that I seem to be triggered by my kids screaming continuously. What it stems from is a mystery though. OCD has also been ruled out (though I do have a few tendencies).

I'm also getting a change in medication starting on Saturday. I'm being switched from Welbutrin XL to Welbutrin SR and adding a mild calming medication (I don't remember the name or what exactly it does. She just said it's supposed to mellow me out a bit and make me less irritable and angry). I am worried that this, well, sedative for lack of a better term is going to dull me out too much. But since I've already tried Prozac and Lamictal (not separate though), that's where we are starting. I've got an appointment in two weeks to see how the new meds are working and if we need to tweek anything. I'm under strict instructions to call the office though if I feel like it's making things worse or it's making me to "blah" to function.

I'm trying to stay positive and not let my feelings interfere with how I react to the drugs. Mentality is a powerful thing. If you go into something thinking or feeling like it's going to make you a certain way, then it probably will. You'll become so paranoid that you can actually force that negative reaction. You have to keep an open-mind if not completely positive mindset about this stuff. You have to believe it can work, otherwise you can close yourself off to it actually working. I'm pretty sure that's part of the reason I reacted badly to medication when I was younger. I didn't want to take drugs to be normal, so I wasn't normal on the drugs. Of course, that may just be how I reacted, but there is the potential that I blew it out of proportion in my own mind which made things work.

If you don't think medication is going to work, it won't. You have to believe that at least in some aspect, that medication will help. Just like those that believe aromatherapy works (personally, I think it can only do so much, most of it is mental). If you believe something will work, there's a greater chance of it working, and ever to a greater level. You're brain is an amazing little thing (okay, ten pounds isn't so little). You have to let it do it's work and react in it's natural way. Don't close yourself off to feeling better by thinking negative things and telling yourself your treatment ISN'T going to work. Believe it will, and it will. Maybe not right away, but at least your not shooting yourself in the foot.
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    Maniac Mom

    My name is Kristen and I suffer from Borderline Personality Disorder. This is my hysterical journey as a mom of two dealing with life twists and turns while trying to not let my "crazy" get too out of hand. I strive to be a happily depressed mom.
    Grab a cup of coffee or a shot of vodka and bask in the mania!

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